Sometimes I wonder what we would be like/act like and who we would like if parents and rules and presumptions did not exist. Honestly, I don’t really want to talk today about this in general because that would take me hours- the idea of nature vs. nurture and what is actually, naturally us and what we have been told to be by society. Mainly, I just want to talk about how we (as women, and mainly women in college) treat boys/men/whatever you want to call a 19 or 20 year old dude.
There are four main levels of “relationships” that guys and girls have in college. You can be “casually hooking up,” “talking,” “exclusive,” or “dating.” In every single one of these, I have found that girls suddenly place this boy that they are casually hooking up with or talking to or exclusive with or dating before a lot of their girlfriends when it comes to using their phone (texting, communicating on apps, etc). Do they do this because they want to or because this is what society expects of them?
If I am “talking” to a guy, we are either texting or talking on a type of social media a lot. Like, full on conversations probably around a couple nights a week just about life or goofy stuff or whatever we can come up with to talk about. Don’t get me wrong- some of the conversations are great and I really do enjoy them (depending on the guy, of course). However, I normally don’t have those types of conversations with my girl friends and the other day I was trying to think about why that is. Why is it that our conversations (text and real life) with our girl friends at this age usually have a reason behind them while our conversations with guys that we are “talking” to are often just for kicks?
I’m not going to text one of my girl friends right now just to ask them how they’re doing with the intent of just having a fun, silly conversation that will keep me distracted from my ever-growing workload. I would be worried that I had caught them at a bad time and was annoying them and, mostly, I just wouldn’t do that because it isn’t something that I (or, really, any other girl that I know) do. If I know that one of my friends had a crazy night or a rough exam, I would text them about that but not with the intent of talking about anything else besides their crazy night or rough exam. However, when I text a guy that I am “talking” to, “hey, how was that exam?”, it isn’t only the exam that I want to talk about. I am starting a conversation. I want to talk.
Would we, as college-age girls, still be so different in the way that we communicate with guys that we are “talking” to versus girls that we are friends with if it wasn’t for predetermined societal norms? My guess is no, but then again, I’m not sure how we would behave any differently if we weren’t given a set list of rules to follow.