I just had a short but sweet conversation with my mom over the phone and she reminded me of something important: it often isn’t only the fault of the person you’re mad at, but also your own fault for giving them the power to make you this mad. I often find myself extremely frustrated with people who just aren’t worth my time. They don’t do very nice things, and I know that they aren’t going to do very nice things, yet I still find myself going back and giving them second, third, fourth chances.
At the beginning of this year, that was one of the things I had decided I was going to work hard on. I was no longer going to be a pushover; I was no longer going to be full with unlimited second chances. And, in my defense, I have gotten a lot better at standing up for myself and at picking my friends and my battles. The majority of my friends that I’ve made this year are amazing, amazing people and I am okay with telling them when they’ve done something to annoy me and I know that they will take my words to heart and honestly work to make it right. Because that is what a true friend does in an equal relationship. It is when I allow my relationships to be unequal and I allow someone else to have the greater power that I have run into trouble. It seems like such a simple thing: if you both have the same amount of power, the friendship will be safe and healthy. However, it’s often a lot harder than it sounds. It’s hard to stand up for yourself when it means that you can’t necessarily be friends with everyone.
This is a reminder to me and to everyone out there: next time you’re super duper mad at someone for something they may have already done, stop and ask yourself.. Am I being fair to myself for continuing to allow this person to make me this mad? I know I can’t change them, but I can change myself. And sometimes I forget that.
So thanks mom for reminding me that I can only control myself and who I’m friends with and–most times–that is enough!